It’s 10:30 and I’m home alone …I’m not sure when the last time that happened. Diane and Gabe are up in Montreal.. and I’m just about to kick off work and go to bed.. I’m just so tired for some reason..   I think it has been the echo’s of Elijah Davis’s death and funeral. Grieving is just such hard work, even if your not family.. It’s like a dull headache.. always in the back of your mind, pulling at you…

Elijah’s mother Tammy is writing about her family’s path on the Davis Farm facebook page and her beautiful blog.  Here writing is so peaceful and clear. I so admire her and her family’s strength. Ans so appreciate her sharing her thoughts..  It helps us all.. I know how valuable it was for us to write.  Today Tammy talks about sleep .I remember how tired I was in those early days.. at the same time I didn’t want to sleep.. I didn’t want to miss anything.. and I remember being afraid to dream.. it’s funny thinking of that now, because I loved.. and still love…  to dream of Sam.

It’s peaceful here right now (minus the loud techno music I’m playing ) .. I can hear crickets.. it ‘s an end of summer sound..  i think I’m going to go up in the tower and see if I can sleep..

nite all, nite sam

-jc

This is the strange part.. when we slowly ease back in to our lives after a tragedy.. Elijah’s passing last weekend and his funeral yesterday put the whole community in a time warp.. everything slowed down and became less important.. then .. slowly things start to happen again..people get on with their lives, they eat, they sleep.. they even laugh.. all except for the family.. I remember that weird feeling as I noticed time was passing differently.. more quickly.. for everyone around us.. I remember thinking it was both interesting .. and unfair..

I remember how strange I thought it was that people were going to restaurants , watching movies, working in  their gardens.. while all I could do was sit and try not to think.. .. My memory is mercifully  foggy of the first days and weeks after Sam died. ..  then I remember having the sensation of watching  the world spin around me..      It was liek I was in some think gunk spinning slowly. while others outside my reach were moving freely .. eventually the gunk started to thin and I started to spin witht h  things around me.. sometimes I’d keep up.. the.. sometimes I was lagging..   I don’t know when my speed finally caught up with the world..

I like to think that I’m fully back in the same time as everyone else now.. but I remember thinking many times that it had.. but then realizing later.. when looking back.. that I was still swimming in the ooze..  I guess Ill never knwo where I stand until I’m looking back…

nite all, nite sam

-me

We left home around 8:30 to get to the church on time … Diane and i parked at the moskas walked.. gabe parked at chris's because he had to be ther early.. he and the other members of the lacrosse team were there to provide an honor guard for elijahs casket..

as we walked to the church, elijahs family drove by.. his dad, gary, stopped and his mom,tammy, opened the window.. we hugged each other .. and neither of us knew what to say.. Elijahs brother snd sisters were in the back of that van… I looked in and saw the love and the hurt they all felt. They're a wonderful and strong family… And they have a long road in front of them… We will all be there for them..

Elijah's family were active members of the congregational church in jericho and devout christians. By the time we got there , the tiny church was packed .the sanctuary was full upstairs as was the basement where we were. By the time the service started at 10 there were people spilling out into the green. Thee must have been 400 people there… This family is so well loved by our community

The service was pretty traditional.. There were two pastors.. Some readings.. Some songs.. Though the songs were new to me.. Many in the audience knew them and sang them well.. There was a short time for people to share memories of Elijah.. I knew him only through sports.. Where i knew him to be funny and strong.. He was many other things.. A hard worker on his parents farm, a very accomplished percussionist (he didn't like the word drummer).. An active member of his church.. And about to enlist in the marine corp on his 18th birthday.. Which would be sept 2nd.

Elijah's mother Tammy read a beautiful blog post she'd written just 3 weeks ago about elijahs approaching departure for the marines.. It was so sweet and beautiful and so sad.. She talked about elijahs big strong hands and how they were like her husbands… Elijahs girlfriend Crystal also spoke beautifully as did two of his friends from his youth group.. The memories rounded out the picture of this big strong , handsome and well loved kid …

At the end of the service… Elijahs coffin was carried out between a set of marine guards,, and all his lacrosse teammates with their lacrosse sticks.. Everyone was crying their eyes out… Including me.

Several folks have asked me today if going to a young person's funeral brings back painful memories of Sam's death… It doesn't… In that .. There is no 'bringing back' of those memories,. They a with us always.. What it does do is instantly link my heart to the family and friends.. Mostly to the parents.. Their path will surely be different than ours.. They sang hymns, we sang Nirvana… But. In the end, the same strong family ties and deep friendship of our community will bear them through.. I know it will.. And i know it will take time.. Lots of time..

Lets all keep elijah in our hearts.. And be there for his family.. They are going to need us all.

Nite all, nite sam

-me

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