Yearly Archives: 2014

Saturday night – PDAH

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Perfect day at home.. Woke up well rested at 7:30 by a dog wanting to play.. I had absolutely nothing on my mind.. what a wonderful thought.. or non-thought that was.. I spent the day hanging round the house, hanging our with max and gabe , scratching the dogs, faling asleep by the fire. and enjoying the view of the nice blanket of snow,

Max and I started working on a cool drumming project he’s had going.. wrote some code for that.

 

 

 

. went for a run..

 

and did not think about work much at all.. just what i needed..

 

As an extension to my work too hard, do fine, then wonder why I worked so hard pattern i discussed last night.. I must add a standard extension.. I’m now sick.. by dinner time I had a high fever and chills.. .. but managed to chase that out of me with advil and a hot shower.. Felt good enough for nice suushi dinner with the family.. (questionable from a public health angle, I realize).. but I needed to be with family..

 

now goign to get soem sleep

nite all. nite sam

-me

 

Friday night – prepared

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Today  went well.  had a big meeting that was many weeks in the making.. not all the folks we expected were able to attend.. but  we had enough of the right folks. and we were still able to stand and deliver.. and did a pretty good job. It went much  in fact, it went much better than we expected.. and I think we accomplished what needed to be done.   n. I felt good about it.

That said, today was disconcerting in its familiarity.. a Classic pattern of mine .. phase 1: worry, stress, procrastinate, worry practice, stress, worry, worry,, stress practice some more…phase 2: phase 3:  event goes fine.. then beat self up for worrying so much, then forget it ever happened .. rinse, lather, repeat…

one thing that was different.. i reached out to several friends to help them remind me that I was not goign to forget how much i did not enjoy phase 1..  gotta doing something to really change that pattern.. it’s not worth the wear and tear on my life . my body my family and my friends..

thanks to everyone for their support and tolerance over the past few weeks.. now.. let’s start thinking about those changes..

nite all. nite sam

-jc

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday night – life is what you spend it on

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I ended up driving down to NY today to prep for  a meeting tomorrow. Turns out that was much more restorative that waking up at 4 and trying to catch a plane. I spent the time driving just sitting quietly and thinking.. also checked  in with a few trusted friends . I’m trying to gather wisdom for some small life adjustments.. nothing major.. just trying to bring more play back into my life as advertised.

An interesting thing happened. I was listening to the radio and a song came on by a friend of mine’s band. ..    .. i didn’t know the song well .. but it made me really  happy to hear. .. upbeat.. fun.. alive. There was a line in that song that went “life is what you spend it on”. I just loved that line.. and thought about it for a couple of hours.. Tha’ts just  so true..

now many hours later ‘m looking for the lyrics of the song.. and cant find it.. either I miss-heard.. or I made it up.. but either way, it was the line i wanted and needed to hear !.. My big thanks to the universe and friend for making up a song just for me..  and sending it out in the cosmos for me to hear just that moment.. It was just what i needed

nite all, nite sam

-me

Wednesday night – luminiferous ether

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My hero nikola tesla believed.. As did many of his contemporaries.. in soemthing called the ‘luminiferous ether’ . It was the stuff that filled space and conducted light.. If light traveled as a wave , it was reasoned.. ‘Something’ had to do the waving.. The idea passed out of favor completely for a 100 years or so.. But is back after a fashion in the search for dark matter and the higgs boson.. And other wavey stuff that fills the space around everything..

 

But i digress…

 

The reason that im thinkign about the luminiferous ether this evening is about ripples, not waves per sec. I believe that I am unitentionaly sending waves out into space and my friends all over the world are perceiving them. My agitation is being reflected in spontaneous and un bidden well wishes, and messages of love and mild concern from friends. Seriously… When 8 people from all over the world reach out to you in a day to ask you ‘how are you ? In a loving , supportive and hoestly questioning tone..you have to wonder. I feel very well loved… But what are they seeing ? ‘ Perhaps they’re seing in these ripples im sending through the ether as i try to regain balance lost over the last three weeks…

I picture it like the vibrations on a spderweb as a fly struggles…

Am i the fly.. Or the spider… Or the web ?

I dont know.. But i do appreciate the warm blanket of cating thats being offerd to me from every corner of the ether…

Wish me. Luck.. Wish me resiliance.. Wish me constructive inteference.

 

Nite all.nite sam

-me