Finally home and it feels good

Turns out that united canceled my flight last night so I had to spend the night in Newark. I was bummed .. but so tired I hardly noticed

I sat down on the bed at the hotel and next thing I know it was 5am . Lucky theatre I woke up because I fell asleep before I could set an alarm

Just got home after a really nice night with friends .. .. we had some mutual friend in town so a great excuse to get together 🙂

Ok too tired To write more .
More tomorrow

Nite all, nite Sam
-me

Hello good friends.. I’m on a plane ‘somewhere south of Iceland.’.. my average address these last 6 months..

I’m having a revelation of sorts on this trip home. Thanks in part to the thoughtful intervention (intended or not) of several good friends (diane, max, miriam, lisa, alexy, bret) i realize i need to seriously adjust my thinking here.

A turning point came yesterday.. I was walking down the hall in Munich talking to someone on the phone. I recall saying “i was getting beat up by everyone”.. he thoughtfully asked ‘by whom’.. i thought for a sec.. and had to admit.. it was actually ….. no one.. it was me..

yes. I realized that most (all ?) of the pressure I was feeling was somehow self imposed.. Now .. before you say ‘it was all in my head’.. I need to assure you that I actually do deserve a fair bit of pressure right now. . so much on my plate that needs doing.. .. that wasn’t the point. it was that the judgment about the work was coming from inside my head instead of outside… that voice iswas liek kryptonite. .. erasing my superpowers and turning me into that version of superman that you feel sorry for

href=”http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/superman_kryptonite11_138.jpg”>http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/superman_kryptonite11_138.jpg

a coule of seconds after that realization my friend Miriam came up to me to talk. she told me about a book she’d read called..
“the subtle art of not giving a f***”

i have to admit.. the writing is not great. from the tile on its goign for shcokc value.. but the thesis is simpleand sound. You have a certain amout of attention/focus and attachement in your life.. if you squander it on stuff that makes you worried/sad/angry for no reason.. you are gibing f*** where you shouldnt. The author Mark Manson is carful to sperate needless wsadness/worry from things that really do matter.. bandhe allows for a fair bit of grey area.. but his point is.. its a chioce.. whether concious or not where your attention goes

it’s very much like the Buddhist ideas around suffering.. dukkah.. but with much more profanity

one quote he has by Alan Watts.. .. is about the backwards law” roughly : the more you pursue feeling better, being better, doing better all the time, the less satisfied you become.. ” conversely.. the less attached you are to outcomes, the more intrinsically motivated and satisfied you become.

thinking about that. while flying very high over a really deep ocean

nite all,nite sam
-me

I am just closing down after an 18 hour day.. no joke. Its been a tough week with a fair bit of work fun mixed in.. the double shifts do get to me though. In the middle of the day I had a down moment and called my best advisor .. Diane.. for some free counseling .. It was so nice talking to her in the middle of the day.. the best advise she gave me was that when one is feeling down.. the best things to do are 1) take a bath… and 2) do something good for someone else..

great advise ! I love that girl !

night all, night sam
-me

ps from next day.. the day actually ran to 19 hours. insane .. !

Its Wednesday night.. actually early Thursday morning.. and I STILL don’t have my luggage from my Sunday flight.

Do you think anyone notices that I’ve been in the same clothes for more than 3 days ?

United Airlines.. whats going on ?!

nite all,nite sam
-me