We woke to the most beautiful snowy morning. The kind Sam would have loved. It was a snow day from school so everyone slept in.. including me which meant I missed my first 2 teleconferences .. oops ! 
   Once everyone woke up, we had a really great  valentines day celebration. We gathered in Sam’s room and lit his candle to invite him in. We then opened a few small presents.. Diane gave me some cool books (one called True Love by Thich Nhat Hanh who I love)  Max, Gabe and I had welded a set of five hearts together for Diane to stick in the garden. . Max even baked a cake  Gabe made a cool  still life with one of his hats, my screw drivers,  one of Max’s green Hulk gloves, Sam’s sombrero, one of  Chai’s dog toys.. some of our late bird Gabbi’s bird seed  and a few red bull cans. It was a nice way to put lots of thing he loves in one space.  It all felt very good. 

    After that, Diane and Gabe headed up to the  mountain mid morning and left me to work. Max and his friends were outside playing in the snow like little kids.. it was great to watch. I managed to  have a pretty productive day just sitting on the bed with my laptop.  It was fun watching the snow pile up. It reminded me of the big storms we used to get in the early 80’s.. it also reminded me of Sam.  I realized as it was getting dark around 5:30  that I hadn’t even been outside once during the entire day.. now that I think of it, I only even went downstairs once. I had an instant attack of cabin fever so I rallied Chai and headed out for a snowshoe. Chai made it just about to the garage before she decided the snow, which was over her head,  was too deep for her.  She slunk back to the house with her tail drooping..   That left me alone to battle the elements. I  headed out with the intention of doing our lower loop trail.. which is about 30 minutes when I’m really pumping..    I realized when it took me nearly 5 minutes to get out of our yard that that plan  was too ambitions for this evening. The snow was about mid thigh deep even with snowshoes.. at some places it was waist deep. I decided to lower my sites and head for the rock in the high meadow which overlooks the house. I started shuffling through the deep snow thinking of Sam and how he would have dug this..  The further I went,  the sadder I got. I saw a deep connection between my walk and the pattern of our lives now , slow plodding. hard going, seemingly endless.. but at the same time.. beautiful.  I tell you, this walk was the most strenuous exercise I can ever remember doing. By the time I cleared the ridge in the high meadow my heart was pumping so hard that it was all I could hear… a good sound on Valentines day, It felt so good to be outside. There was absolutely nothing moving  down in the valley, no cars, no people.. just deep snow everywhere you could see.. it was beautiful  I got to the top and looked towards our house.. hoping to get a good view  of our house through the snow.  maybe even a picture. That’s when it all kinda feel apart.
The snow was coming down too hard to see the house clearly

and before I realized it.. I was all tied up in phone calls and emails and cameras and…. Then it hit me like a dope slap.. . the voice in my head said ‘you iiiiiiidiot’ (in a cartoon accent).. ‘why don’t you just enjoy where you are’ .. I laughed ot myself.. put away the gadgets and sunk down in the snow.Here’s me just before my ‘aha moment ‘.

A few mintues later I started the trudge back to the house.. It was much easier in that direction because I’d been kind enough to break trail for myself on the way up.. There’s probably a deep message there to that I’m to dumb to appreciate. Anyway.. the walk back was fun and I came back to a busy household.

The family was all home along with Mason, Abbott and Scot all snowbound in the house.. it felt pretty festive   We’ve just heard that school has already been canceled  for tomorrow so it will be another fun day for the kids..  I just hope that tomorrow night’s State Radio show at Higher Ground is still on.   Their last show here was the last live music we all saw with Sam.  I think they may play a song for him tomorrow night..  State Radio is a GREAT band..socially conscious, amazing, and fun music.  There are still tickets left.. so check it out.
   I  think I’ll close with an excpertp form a State Radio song.. Keepsake.. I know that I posted it once several weeks ago.. but it’s a great song for today

 Expert from Keepsake by State Radio (sung here by Jane and Avery at Sam’s Memorial)

 ….

One gonna heal my body another gonna heal my pain
One gonna settle me down then bring me back up again
I‘m gonna put my family back together again

One gonna hold my woman another gonna hold my job
One gonna help me get up, another gonna help me stop

One gonna help me talk right, one gonna lay me down to sleep

””

See you at the show tomorrow Sam.. Happy valentines day my boy

-jc