All posts by johncohn

Wednesday night – Sam’s yahrzeit

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Today is the day we ‘officially’ observe Sam’s passing. Just like birth, leaving is a process. Sam’s soul left his body on the 20th right after the accident, on the 21st he was declared brain dead and on the 22’nd his organs went to save four others.   I wear the reminder of this day on my left wrist  and look at it every day..

In my culture, it’s tradition to mark the day of death , the yahzeit, by keeping a candle burning all day..

We appreciate all the candles others lit for him today ..

I like to think that sam would have appreciated this version more .

Before i describe the day.. let me drop back to yesterday for a moment.. Yesterday started with a ‘sunbow’  (or sun dog).. a good omen..

Gabe and I marked the day by making a red bull toast as we drove back from New Hampshire. .. We always dump a little out for sam..   since we were moving .. we had to do it via the sunroof..

Last night I ,marked the night by going to see Dark Start Orchestra at higher ground. Wouldn’t you know, they were doing a bone marrow donation screening..  a perfect parallel

 

The concert got out around 1:30 am.. which was perfect because Max’s bus showed up around 1:45 down town. By the time we got home. ate . hugged, drank, etc, it was 3:30.AM..    so morning came late.. Diane was p and had the Sam candles lit.

 

breakfast meant breaking out the hotsauce collection.

Before we new it, it was time to head to bolton.. we gathered at the base.. by the time we left we had more than 40 folks. it was a beautiful , warm and windless day.. a prefect day to walk with sam up the mountain.

By the time we got to the top for the picture we had more than 50 folks.. wonderful that 6 years later Sam  still has so many friends.

our tradition is that gabe. max and I climb the shaky fire tower, drink a red bull and blow something up.. we did that today.. it was beautiful up there sorry I didn’t get a picture of the explosion .. but we were standing right next to a large mortar.. i was cowering with fear rather than taking the  picture 🙂    .

we got home around 4 .. and folks started showing up for dinner.. by 5 the house was full of  love..

 

Pucket came by with his son Sam.. such a cutie.

 

James at 2 and a half was the second youngest.

Gabe poured the red bull toast…

A full day full of love . laughs, tears and stories.. As I said to folks today at the toast.. I was so sorry they had to be there.. and so glad at teh same time..

 

good night everyone…

 

good night sam..hope you felt the love today !

-me

Tuesday afternoon – Our beautiful son Sam – the call

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Six years ago this evening our beautiful Son Sam was hit by a car as he crossed the street with two friends. The boys were all on vacation down in Florida having a great time. When he got on that plane to go down, we never imagined that we’d never see him alive again. My heart breaks when i think about it.. but my heart is full in knowing that that kid was so loving and was/is so  loved. . and he knew it.. he knew it everyday..

I will never forget the terrible call we got when we learned that Sam had been hit  The moments  after that are etched forever  in my mind.. I relive them almost daily .   but the call i like to remember is the one I received from Sam earlier that afternoon..  I saved the recording and listen to it all the time .He would have made that call about now. He  left me a message telling me how much fun he was having with his buddies.. and he told me he loved me… like he did every day..

The last six years have been so hard… i feel Sam’s presence everywhere and his absence deep in my heart. There are times when its still overwhelming ..  there are also times now when life seems almost normal. We laugh, we have fun and we have much love in our lives.. At the time, i would never have believed that possible. I think it has only been possible because of the love and support we’ve gotten from family and friends..   For that we are forever thankful

Tomorrow . the 21st. we will mark the official day of Sam’s passing . That’s the day he was declared dead which cleared the way for his organ donation on the 22nd. In leaving, Sam helped 4 others live on.

We will mark tomorrow with a climb up Bolton Mountain . Mete us at 1PM at the base lodge if you’d like to join us. We’ll then all go back to our house for a lasagna pot luck (Sam loved lasagna), stories, music and samstones.

Ok Sam.. it’s another year..  you are forever in hearts and near us always. We love you very much my son ..

-dad

 

Monday night – the day before

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Tonight is the day before the day sams accident. Today is the 6th anniversary of the last normal day i had on this earth.. And i remember it well i had just come back from austin after a particularly frenetic week. . I remember being very stressed out about some bit of business planning stuff at work.. Stuff that happens every year.. Stuff that really doesn’t matter. I remember being So worked up over those meaningless details of my job that i wasn’t sleeping well.. i remember that sam was visiting friends in florida.. I called and spoke with him and he was having a great time. I remember the stress of that week.. I actually remember feeling sorry for myself for the situation i was in..
I would trade anything for that day…

Hug your kids, hug everyone you love .. Thats what matters…

Nite all, nite sam .. I love you very much

-me
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Sunday night – curtains

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Peaceful  day.. We started with a walk with birthday boy Tim and Jen in the frosty morning. We stayed to the  roads because we heard so much pre thanksgiving  hunting gunfire in the woods. Came home, took a run, then Diane and I spent the mid afternoon putting up curtain rods in three of the upstairs rooms.

At 2 we put down the tools and went to bridge street to to Mel’s memorial ily. Jane had arraigned a small gathering in remembrance of Me.  It was nice group of people from Mel’s past, folks eh worked with at the land trust, folks from The Daily Planet and many of his motorcycling buddies. It was good getting together to talk. We also got to see Mel and Jane’s daughter Phoebe who’s been a friend of ours for many years.


Tonight i worked with Homer a few hours to marry his metal paintings with my computer controlled lighting. The results are very cool . I’ll try to post a movie if I can figure out how to post it.

 

Now starts ‘the week’.. Tuesday and Wednesday  we’ll mark the 6th year of Sam’s passing. I can always feel this day coming.. and try to figure out how I’m feeling.. Diane’s answer to me is always to not think so much.. but just be.. I’m trying to this year. .. So far..doing ok

This wednesday we’ll mark Sam’s passing by waling up bolton mountain. We’re meeting at the base at 1PM..   then we’ll do a lasagna pot luck at our house at 5. If you new sam well and feel you want to be here.. please join us for one or both activities. We appreciate al the folsk that are keeping us in their hearts this week and always..

ok.. Time for bed..

nite all, nte sam

-me