Busy day today.. which was good.. kept my mind occupied. My job today was to drive an hour and a half north to visit my work brothers and sisters in Bromont Quebec. There’s a large IBM facility up there.. about 2800 fo0olks when fully loaded.. I’m embarrassed to say.. this is my first trip up there in almost 30 years of working here.

It was a nice drive up.. I t’s just like driving up to Montreal, but you turn east at Pikes river..

That was my day.. good and busy..
I did get pretty sad on my ride home…

more tomorrow..
nite all , nite sam// you are so much on my mind, my son

-me

Can’t figure out the emotional stew I’m in. at one level.. I’m in a really great place.. I really like my new job.. even though I can’t really figure out what it is, yet.. . I have a ton of energy… and I can feel my creativity increasing On the other hand.. I’m in a quiet and sort of dark place.. I’m sure it’s because of sam’s … sam’s what ? death day ? .. that sounds too weird and sad.. In my religion we call it Jarhzeit.. (year time) .. that.. certainly has it’s hold on me.. Every quiet minute takes me to the past.. .. On the other hand (have I run out of hands ? ).. I’m proud .. no .. thats the wrong word.. greatful, maybe.. that I feel so strong at this four year point.. Four years ago, I could not have believed I would be surviving.. much less thriving at this point..   I know things can change at any second.. ut now.. I’m sad and grateful and energized.. .. make that double sad…

and I guess that’s how it’s supposed to be.

nite all, nite sam
-me

Diane, Gabe and I just got back from Gabe’s� high school conferences. It
was so much fun. I was able to play the proud papa and hear what a good
guy Gabe is. I was so proud watching him talk to his teachers. THey all
said He loves learning.. . ..he really does.. I’m very proud of that
boy.

�� It was also nice to be back in the high school .. we’ve been back
many. many times since Sam’s passing.. I always get a deep shot of
sadness when I walk in the door..�� tonight I didn’t feel that so much..
I felt great being there as Gabe’s dad..���� It was good seeing all of
our friends and all of the teachers. Several of the teachers talked to
us about Sam and Max after they talked to us about Gabe.. several
commented on how much Gabe looks like Sam.. (does he ?) ..He gets called
Sam alot.. even I do that sometime. I asked Gabe if it ever bugs him
that folks say stuff liek that.. He said it didn’t ..� He’s his own guy
in every sense..

���� Diane reminded me that she was here at MMU at student conferences when
Sam was down in Florida already for that last time.. So many memories
attached to everything.. I guess all memories are good memories..

OK.. off to bed..

Night folks !, nite Sam

-me

I’m eing very careful this week.. as the days click by till Sunday’s 4th anniversary of Sam’s passing.. I am trying to take it easy and keep my strength up. I’ve been meditating every day.. and trying to get good sleep

It’s hard .. my mind keeps slipping back to this week four years ago.. Sam must have already been in Florida by now.. I’d already seen him for the last time. what an impossible thought…

But.. this is now.. i miss sam every day.. will I miss him more on the 21st ? I don’t know.

Last night I wrote a bunch of Python code to back up my blog. @#$% myspace is changing all their interfaces and I may loose my ability to go back to earlier entries by date.. As I tested my code, i saw the titles swing by.. I even read a few of my early entries..

It was too painful in parts to keep reading.. and really fun and uplifting in others..
I feel like print it all out in a book or something..

Right now.. I think I’ll go sleep..

more later..
nite all.. nite sam…
-me