All posts by johncohn

Sunday night – dark glass

What an incredibly beautiful day !  Though it

started rainy, the day blossomed into one of those days that makes your

heart stand still.. Beautiful blue skies, brilliant leaves, clear

air… I only need one day like this a year to remember why I live

here. It filled me up.

    Diane and I decided to make the

most of the day and head up to Richford to See our friends Lucy and

Victor.. and friend Beckett who’s up visiting from… (where ? .. Ct ?)

Lucy, Beckett and Diane are old yoga buddies.. all limber and grounded

people.. So we did what grounded and limber people do when they

congregate.. we took a hike… !.

Lucy

and Victor live in a beautiful place in Richford right on the Canadian

border.. by right on.. I mean that you can walk out their back door and

into Canada.. If you don’t get caught by one of the patrol

helicopters..  

As illustration, the pond is in the US.. the trees behind are mostly in Canada..

Our

hike took us down a sunny road past some ponys that had recently moved

in with Lucy’s neighbors. (n-n-n-n-neigh-bors !) Their previous owner

was very ill.. and had not been able to care for these guys.. as a

result their mains were now in dreadlocks.. a cool look for them !

We

squished through some wet fields to a VAST snowmobile trail.. then out

into some brilliant pastures.. it could not have been more beautiful..

of course… it’s hard to capture on a small camera that is covered by

dust from the crud in your pocket.. but here’s my attempt.

Here’s victor, diane, becket and Lucy ..

 I found this sign pretty funny..  

I

enjoyed looking down as much as I enjoyed looking up.. we went through

patches of mostly brown leaf litter.. then mixed red, orange and

yellow.. then mostly yellow.. .. the soun and smell is uniquely fall.

I put a samstone in a tree with a nice leaf backdrop.. Being in the woods always makes us feel closer to Sam..

We lost the trail, bu tcame upon and abandoned orchard.. Great sweet apples.. just watch out for the works !

I picked up some Styrofoam litter on the ground .. Diane said I looked like mosis coming down from the mount.

Whadaya think ?

I mentioned that we were right on the boarder.. so

close, that I couldn’t resist the ourge to cross it.. several times.. I

think you can get arrested for doing that.. but.. 

Diane suggested it would be a good place to put a samstone.. in the no-man’s zone between the two countries..

Here it is.. my left foot is in canada.. my right in the US.. now.. how do I put that on my map ?

We headed home around 4… here’s camels hump as we began the drop into Richmond where we live..   What a great day…

We had a wonderful surprise waiting for us when we

came home. Our friend Peter had sent us a song he’d written as part of

his song writing camp this summer. It’s about Sam’s passing.. It’s a

really beautiful piece…  It means so much to me that he’d write this

for Sam.. and for us.. it’s called.. Dark Glass…

Dark Glass by Peter B.

(for John)

All the Things that

men & angels said

Crowding up

inside of my head

Since that day when charity failed

Your life it

passed before mine

You flew

right out of time,

left a lonely nest in my heart

What I know now,

I really didn’t know then

I’m looking through

A dark, dark glass

You’re the one who

played so fast

no idea,

How long life could last

Are there no more wise words to say?

Put away,

Those child things cause I

Can’t believe

In angel wings.

why’s it hard to see your face?

Or say it all

With one embrace?

What I know now

I really didn’t know then

I’m looking through

A dark, dark glass

Your old pictures

All in a blur

Like a game

where it’s always your turn

All the things that must be said …

http://samstones.org/music/darkglass.mp3

Thanks you Peter !  Our friends are just so wonderful…

OK.. time for bed..  
Nite everyone.. hope you’re enjoying this beutiful fall !..
Nite Sam
-me

Saturday night – Attics of my life

Today was all about the attic. Diane and I were up at seven ready to attack the attic.. we finally gave up at 8:30 this evening.. not defeated.. but still far to go.  Our house makes cleaning up there an adventure.. If you haven’t seen our home.. it’s 4 floors tall. the Attic is on the third.. about 40 steep steps from the first.   I gave up counting how many trips up and down I made today.. Luckily we had great helpers in Gable. Dylan. Joe, Kevin and Devon. // Many hands make light(er) work to be sure..


 I’ve been looking forward to and dreading this day for a along time. We haven’t really cleaned the attic since Sam died.. That’s not surprising.. we don’t clean it often.. it’s huge.. so it can take a long time to mess it up.. but mess it up we did..    Lately it’s been hard to walk from one end to the other because of all the memories crammed up there.. It’s a great metaphor for our own hearts and minds… Lots of clutter…   with some useful bits sprinkled in. Occasionally a surprise.. either pleasant or heartbreaking..


Here are all the red bull cans that Sam and I had been saving to make something out of. I got an idea today about what to do with them.. Watch this space.

Signs of Sam and our life before are in every corner. My heart was in my throat all day.. but I have to say.. it felt good and clearing to be doing this.Everything I handled was like a prayer… a letting go.. It was natures course.   In fact I didn’t cry at all.. until… …….. just now…   Oh…… hang on….

The day did have its bright moments..  wish you could have all been here watching us convince this old couch to go downstairs… straight out of three stooges…

Another funny story.. I had put a box of books out to be given away.. Diane noticed one of her school yearbooks in it.. so I took another look.. Good thing.. In addition to Diane’s year books.. there was my thesis, my dad’s thesis, two books I’d written and my  diploma…   I looked at it .. and realized I probably haven’t seen it in 18 years..since I got my degree    it’s been buried in this box ever since … pretty funny.

I also found two film cameras.. one was one of the kids.. We’re going to have the film processed.. who knows what story those pictures might tell…

Well.. I’m worn out for the day.. I’m going to bed.. I’m going to try and get this song out of my head.. it’s been there all day…. one of my favorite songs but.. around the 100th time I need a break..


Grateful Dead – Attics of My Life

In the attics of my life, full of cloudy dreams unreal.

Full of tastes no tongue can know, and lights no eyes can see.

When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me.

I have spent my life seeking all that’s still unsung.

Bent my ear to hear the tune, and closed my eyes to see.

When there was no strings to play, you played to me.

In the book of love’s own dream, where all the print is blood.

Where all the pages are my days, and all the lights grow old.

When I had no wings to fly, you flew to me, you flew to me.

In the secret space of dreams, where I dreaming lay amazed.

When the secrets all are told, and the petals all unfold.

When there was no dream of mine, you dreamed of me.

Nite everyone.. Nite Sam.. thanks for helpign with the cleaning…
-me

ps. Just got this fab picture of sister mary and john’s kids Ellery, Jake and Theo.. Cute.. no ?


Friday night – Satisfied

I go through every day these days looking for the topic of my evening blogging.. It’s kind of a game.. I know the topic is out there .. hiding. I just need to turn over a few rocks.. mull over  few conversations.. notice soemthing that’s dropped in my lap or tossed in my face. Sometimes it’s obvious… for example I already know what I’m goign to blog about tomorrow (spoiler alert !).. we’re going to be cleaning our attic. It will be fun, frustrating, energizing.. and in parts very sad… anything that turns up memories like that can have a big effect on me.
   More often though.. it’s a word that comes into my mind.. as in ‘clarity’… a few days ago.. Sometimes the word’s meaning is obviose.. sometimes not so.. Today I was speakign wiht my freind Julie and the word ‘satisfaction’ came to my mind.. it was in the conteect of a work discussion.. but I wasn’t .. and am still not.. sure of the meaning.. was it ‘satisfaction’…a s in ‘cant get no…. ? ‘   or was it ‘satisfaction’;.. or .. is it satisfaction.. as in that’s what I’m supposed to  be seeking. .. or as in I’m satisfied now.. ..  I gave it a bunch of thought today and I’ve concluded that ..at this moment in my life,   I’m truly satisfied.. That;’s not to say that everything has been perfect up to this point.. of course it hasn’t.. Sam’s passing has made perfection impossible.  .. And I know too much to say anything at all about the  future… Again.. Sam’s passing has taught me the hard lessons of impermanence and the unpredictable nature of life.   What I am sayign is that for right here, right now.. (9:17 PM on 10/9/2009 on my couch in Jonesville VT )  that life is good… and for that I’m truly grateful..

   On the topic of gratefulness.. We received the following  note by way of our dear friend Hannah.. This is in reference to a Friends of Sam fund raiser from about a year ago. Friends of Sam, is a group of Sam’s friends.. and their friends who have raised money in Sam’s name over the past 3 years to help other folks in need. Last year they ran a Skate Jam at Talent skate park with the help of our wonderful friends Hannah and Dave . The goal was to raise enough money to help our friend Deb’s Friend Abraham bring his wife and child over from Somalia where they are in a camp. It looks like all of their hard work is finally paying off and Abraham’s family will finally be reunited. !   I want to thank all of the Friends of Sam kids, their folks and Hannah and Dave for making this happen.. And wish Abraham and his family all the best here in the states !

Hi Hannah,
    A lot of time has passed since your group raised a great amount of money to help Abraham N get his wife and daughter here.  It has been a very long and arduous process.  His wife has had to go through all sorts of hoops to get the proper documentation, medical exams, tests, deal with immigration, etc.  The final steps in the process are completed and she has been approved to get the visas for her and the little girl.  Abe is beside himself with excitement that it is only a little while before his wife and daughter will be here with him.  She is picking up their visas on October 21st.
      We’ve run out of money and I’m working at raising enough money for the plane tickets and then they will be able to come here.  I wanted you and all your friends to know that your hard work and your generous donation are a major factor in making this happen.   After they arrive we will plan to have a celebration and I will be in touch so you and all the other kids can come and we can thank you. 
     Please let everyone know that the fundraiser you had has paid off and the most difficult part of the mission could not have been accomplished without all the money that you raised.    There is no way Abe or his wife could have ever come up with the money that was necessary to go through the bureaucratic hoops necessary to immigrate here.  YOU KIDS ARE THE BOMB!!!!   We will be in touch once Joyce and Anyier get here to let you know that his dream has come true.  Miracles do happen because of the goodness of people like you!  Thanks again and again.
 
Love, T and J

People are good..

… and I am sleepy.. so that’s it for tomorrow.. Tune in tomorrrow for our ‘cleaning the attic ‘ edition of John’s blog..

Nite folks.. Nite Sam !
-me
 

Thursday night – Real ?

First of all.. Happy Karwa Chauth !

Today is Karwa Chauth  which (I quote) is celebrated mostly by the married

women in North India. On this day, they observe a fast, praying for the

long life, well being and prosperity of their husband. They break their

fast in the evening, after moonrise. On this sacred festival, people

come together and socialize with friends and family, exchange gifts and

share home-cooked meals. It also provides an opportunity to all married

women, to get close to their in-laws. Karwa Chauth is the festival

which reflects joy, splendor, brightness and happiness of a married

life. (end quote)

I hope those who celebrate Karwa Chauth had a good one. Kind of a cool tradtion, but the very interesting thing is that the guys never have a day where they have to fast for the ladies.   What’s up with that ?

Not much to report for the day.. I continue to burrow further back into my old precolony life though every day still brings at least a doze convresations about the show experience.   One hting that’s fun about that is that I’m now developing a mental list of the most common questions.. They are generally:

1. What’s  up with the handyman, what’s he really like (Mike, what do you want me to tell them 🙂 
2. Did you know that Diane was coming (no)
3. How much of the experience seemed real to you

Number 3 is my favorite.. people want to know if we ever forgot that we were on a tv show.(no). I explain that all of us were completely vested in the experiment and that sometimes that lead us to over react.  But I explain that we weren’t faking starvation, dehydration or filth.. nor were we faking anger when one of hte bad guy/actors harassed us , stole soemthing  or broke soemthing of ours. Nor were we faking it when some of us were yelling at each other due to tension.

What number 3 has got m wondering is .. how much does my current experience seem real to me ? I mean.. waking up , driving to work and spending 8 AM till 6PM talking into the phone.. hearing other folks voices, but never seeing them.. or .. visiting them in second life… how real is that ?

I think the Colony seemed more real to me than my job does.. I need to bring that back into clarity If I’m going to succeed.. and I will succeed.. I need to..

Anyway.. nothing else new.. Had a great IEEE meeting tonight.. then met Diane and the Lavoie’s at higher ground to hear Jen’s, sister’s sister-in-law, Mirah . She was just amazing !  Check her out !

yikes.. midnight again.. gotta sleeeeeeeep  Nite folks. sleep well.. Nite Sam
-me