L’shana Tova Tikatevu  Happy New Year 5768. Tonight is the start of Rosh Hashanah,, The beginning of the new year and one of the two most important days in the Jewish Calendar. (?     Tonight is also the beginning of the Islamic festival of Ramadan)

Over the next 10 days, Jews all over the world gather to start thinking about the last year, what they did right, what they did wrong.. and are their intentions for the new year. The intent is to make atonement for past transgressions and set goals for the future. At the end  of 10 days, on Yom Kippur,  you  are hopefully written into the ‘book of life’ for a good and safe coming year. Why  couldn’t  it work last year for us.  I’m in Washington DC right now for an IBM Academy meeting.. This is the same gtroup of close friends that I get to see every couple of months. I really love these guys. Tonight we were all supposed to go out to a nice dinner, but my buddy Edie and I skipped the big dinner, grabed a bite at the food court

then found a local shul, (ie a synagogue or temple) to celebrate the new year.

I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to go this year. Sam’s passing has caused me to really rethink my own metaphysics.. I’ve always felt a great cultural affinity for my faith.. but I’ve never really thought that much about the beliefs. I know since Sam’s death that we are part of something much bigger.. at the same time I feel very much in my heart that none of the organized religions, including my own,  have a lock on describing what that is. In the end I decided to go for the sake of tradition.. and as a way to mark yet another milestone since Sam’s passing.

 
I found a nearby Reform Jewish Congregation  that would let us sit in. This one shared space with a Presbyterian church. I guess that works out pretty well, since the days of workshop only overlap very occasionally.  This was a pretty big group.. maybe 300 folks..many who looked like me..( go figure )

The service started at 8 PM. It was quite a bit different than the ones I’ve attended for the past 25 years… .this one had an organ and a full choir..

it reminded me of the congregation I used to go to in Houston. It’s much different than the more conservative and more informal places I’ve one to in Vermont over the past 25 years . This service was nearly all in English…  the Rabbi lead the service and did double duty as the chazen (or Cantor).  The music was much more… flowery than I was used to.. in some ways I missed the simpler familiar melodies that I’ve become used to.. at the same time.. the fact that it was not to familiar probably helped make it less painful for me…

 
And parts of it were painful.. Two parts in particular.. The service opens and ends with the saying of the shecheyanu.

Baruch atah adonai eloheinu melech ha’olam shecheyanu v’kiy’manu v’higyanu lazman hazeh. 

 This  prayer is typically said whenever 3 or more people come together for worship to thank  …( who ?)  for bringing you safely to that point in time. As soon as I heard it.. I was reminded that we had not all arrived safely … I really broke down.. The middle of the service was pretty good.. they had a funny youngish rabbi, good voice etc. Another interesting difference is that all the liturgy here was in English.. The good part about the places I usually go is that most of the service are in Hebrew.  Which I can read OK.. but not translate well  That makes it easy to drift off into my own thoughts.   Here I had to pay attention.. I did manage to contain my fidgeting for the two hours.. I took a few discreet pictures, made an impromptu paper SamStone..

….and reflected on my past year… Somehow that didn’t seem as necessary.. because that’s basically all I’ve been doing for the past 10 months… Even so.. it was nice to sit their quietly and think of all of my nuclear and extended family.. I spent the time sending them all love..

 The end of the service includes a recitation of the Mourners Kaddish. The prayer for those who  have died… . That was hard for me..  yet somehow not as hard as I had expected. I’d been thinking abut that moment for several months.. dreading it.. I actually felt some degree of peace. I felt Sam so near me…

The service broke up around 10 and Edie and I drove back to find the others.. We met them in the bar for a beer then everyone drifted off to bed..

I need to do the same.. Again I want to wish everyone reading a  sweet and peaceful coming year. L’Shana Tova..  Oh.. the story is.. each one of us has 2 angels standing on his or her shoulders. Each time someone tells us ‘L’Shana Tova’ (happy new year) the two angels fly up to G-d and ask him to write you into the book of life this year… So.. pass it on. 

Lshana tova my family… l’shana tova my friends L’shana tova Sam

-me

Yikes…. I’m sitting in this meeting pretending to pay attention. I’m actually sitting here worrying about what I’m going to say when when I do my keynote address in an hour or so.. Wish me luck !more about how it goes later.
-me.

OK.. now I’m back.. I think it went pretty well.. I’m glad it’s over… SO.. now where was I ?

oh yeah…

September 11^th… . It’s a date that brings back terrible memories  to everyone.. It still does to me.. though they seem much. Much more distant this year.

I’ve only got a few minutes to post. I need ot wake up in 5 hours to catch a plane to DC then on to home…

   I had a really good day here in Austin. I spent a good part of the day working in my hotel room… The part I wasn’t working I spent worrying about my talk tonight. I do my best worrying while pacing around form room to room. On that particular circuit I started noticing the patterns in the wallpaper here.. I noticed that there were 7 distinct swirly patterns in the print.  It was much easier thinking about that  than thinking about finishing my talk…

 Wallpaper swirls in my hotel room

Around 11:15 my friend Wolfgang came over for lunch. We walked over to a tex mex place nearby and ate outside.. Today was cool (by texas standards at least) and wet..The air felt really good. I really enjoyed spending the time with Wolfgang.. we had a good set of personal and work talks. He gave me some very good advice today.. Now.. let me see if I can take it…  After lunch we took a short walk around the area.. we came across a little park with these really cool stone cows. They’re huge and beautiful.

 Cows and Wolfgang

Good bumber sticker in the parking lot of the hotel

As I came back into the hotel after lunch I was nabbed by my friend Ginny from the SRC. She’s coordinating this event. She asked me to see if I could make my  do to make the talk a little funny…She hadn’t seen the talk.. but she said things could use some livening up here.    Yikes.. it wasn’t really set up as a funny talk. I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to funni-fy it a bit..   Not easy to do in a pinch.. and not that easy in my current mood.. But I tried.. The rest of the afternoon passed too  quickly. I spent the time in conference calls as I feverishly tried to figure out how to  ‘lighten’ the tone of the talk…

Around 5 I started the toughest  task of all.. deciding which shirt and tie to wear.. I tried all combinations… and finally went with red shirt, red tie.. Here are the choices.. what would you have chosen ?

  I drifted downstairs around 5:30 and started mingling with the students and professors at the conference. I felt very much at home.. I knew so many of the folks here.. it immediately put me at ease.  There was a small reception, then we were called in to dinner. I got to sit at the grown-up table… it was pretty exciting. 18 years ago I was one of  students in this conference.. and now I was the dinner speaker.. is that progress ? I guess so. My good friends Bill and Mary Brenda were at the table as well as my friend Tak and several of the execs from the SRC.

Bill and Mary Brenda

Here I am right before my talk with a SamStone for good luck

. I enjoyed talking to all of them  which put my a little bit at ease… then came time for my talk The head of the SRC gave me a really nice welcome then…  Eeeeeeeeek.. It was time to go. I came up on stage in front of the 420 folks in the room and for about a half of a second.. I had no idea what to say..   Then someone  inside me started talking… and the next thing I knew I was done.. I do remember a point in the middle of the talk where I drifted out of my head and into the audience and thought to my self… ugh.. this middle part is boring… but  I managed to get through it. I ended with one of my favorite  demos: the frying pickle . I know folks liked that. I ended then went sat back down. I sat there trying to figure out if the talk had gone well or not. I always think I suck when I give a talk like this.. this time.. I was pretty sure I had sucked.. but the audience reaction seemed to lean against suckage… who knows.. who cares.. the one thing I know is that I was done.. Whew…

The Bio they had for me on the program

After my talk came the awards part of the banquet. The biggest award by far was the Aristotle award… given to a teacher for distinguished teaching and mentoring. It ‘s a really big deal. I’ve managed to get this award once for my friend and advisor Rob one year. This year’s winner was my good friend Wojtek, a  Professor at CMU where I went to grad school.  I was so very pleased that he had won this award. He is one of the best teachers and overall mentors I have ever known.   He and I shared a wall when I was in grad school. I still remember the conversations we’d have at 3 in the morning… He’s such a wonderful guy. I felt honored to be there watching him get this award

Wojtek

The banquet broke up and then I was sort of  mobbed with folks wanting to talk to me.  that as pretty cool.. I managed to get In a few good conversations with some of my buds from IBM.. and a few Profs I’d lost touch with.. I was really glad to be here.

Before I knew it .. it was 11:30 and I was beat… I said good night and came up to my room to pack. I was just about to jump into bed when I realized that I had forgotten to blog… so.. here I am.. Now I really gotta get to sleep. More tomorrow…

Love you all.. you too Sam..

-me

Hello from Austin. It’s about midnight and I just got in to the hotel. I’m down here for just about 24 hours to give a talk at a conference as a favor for a friend. In some ways It’s kind of nice to be back in Austin again The heat and humidity out there reminds me of growing up here.. and feels much more at home  here than it did a few days ago back in Vermont.  It’s also hard for me to be here. This is where I was when Sam rook his last trip down to Florida.   Not sure why,. but I was fighting back tears the whole drive over from the airport.

    I used to come here all the time.. When I was in high school. This was the place we’d get away to for the weekends. Once I started with IBM. I started coming here for work frequently…. I think I was here 14 times in 1999 alone. I have hundreds of friends down here from those days and since.. not even counting all my buddies from high school that still live around here..   I usually love to go out and here live music whenever I’m here.. I can remember many nights staying out till 3 or 4 then starting work at 8..  Somehow though, I just don’t feel like going out.. or  visiting or calling anyone right now.  I also have about a million things I should be doing for work while I’m here.. but again.. I just can’t .. I just can’t.  If you’re in Austin and reading this.. .. I’m sorry I’m being sort of antisocial. If you want, you can call me at  802-578-0985.

This place brings so much music into my head. Whenever I’m here,  I think of Townes Van Zandt, my favorite songwriter of all time   He used to hang out here. In fact, he once stole my beer in a bar.  This song got stuck in my head today.  

High, Low & In Between

By townes van zandt

All things at our life
Are brothers in the soil
And in the sky
And I believe it
With my blood
If not my eyes
I dont know why we cant
Be brothers here
I know we should be
Answers dont seem easy
And Im wonderin
If they could be

You can listen to this and other Townes Van Zandt  songs  here

I’m going to sleep. G’nite all.. G’nite Sam

-me

10:30 Sunday night.. Peaceful and cool. I’m writing from Sam’s room just like I used to in the early days of this blog. There have been people or things piled in his room for most of the summer. It’s nice to have it back as sort of a quiet space.  

Today was one of those rainy fall days where you just don’t feel like going outside I did manage to get out for a run, but that was it. I spent the entire day trying to clean out my closet and dresser..

t was a major undertaking. I’d been  accumulating stuff for years.. and was running out of places to stack my clothes. I knew that going through all that stuff was bound to stir up memories.. and it did.. but it was still nice to do.. I’m amazed at some of the stuff I dug out of there…  tons of old clothes that I never wear that I’ll be donating somewhere.. and tons of clothes I’d forgotten I had…not much variety but 20 pairs of blue jeans, 20 pairs of khakis. .  the nice thing is that everything I own still fits !…

The big finds in there were pictures and stuff from the kids: lots of school artwork. thing they made for me, knickknacks they bought me at garage sales, etc.    There were several things I found from Sam.. each time I found one I had to stop for a few minutes…  Each piece I could feel in my heart.. handling each piece was a little more mouring and a little more healing. The process of my life now.  Here are a few things I found..

 Sams 4th Grade Music Certificate

A Present he made Diane and me. All the boys make us stuff

Thank you Sam.. I love you forever !

A stack of last years school papers

I also found the 21 year old receipt for Diane’s wedding ring.. which is a good thing, because I need to  go and get it repaired.

By the time I was through, my closet was neat.. if not sparkling, my dresser was empty and I was a wreck.. Luckily Diane showed up with Deb in tow and started to make a spontaneous middle eastern feast ! Hummus, babganoush,  falafel. Tzaziki, stir fried eggplant, olives, feta, beets.. yum !!!. I made Zatar bread. is this green spice that you can buy in the middle east that’s a mix of thyme, sesame seeds, sumac (usually) and salt. You sprinkle it on pits, drizzle it with olive oil and broil it.. it’s delicious. Zatar is also the name I use when I’m doing my Electricity magic shows. I’m not sure how I chose that name.. it just sounds much cooler and science-ier (science-ier ? ) than ‘John’ It’s even on my license plate !  . Luckily there were a bunch of kids around to help us eat all that food..

I got to talk to Max on the phone tonight…  It was so good talking to him even for a short bit. . I miss him so much sometimes. I know he’ll be OK down there… it’s just hard letting go sometimes for me.  Right now.. I need to  get some sleep. I’m traveling some this week and need to get my beauty rest..   Goodnight to you all.. Good night Sam.

-me

I just repaired one of my lasers…. it loocked cool out in the mist