Now starts the three days that we mark Sam’s death. Our long process now echos those three terrible days in 2006.. so much of that time is etched in my brain.. so much of it is also still a blur to me. Even though Sam’s official date of death is give as Nov 21st..that’s the day he was legally declared dead.. that was necessary to allow us to move forward with organ donation. Sam’s spirit left his body on Nov 20th.. today..Sam was down in Florida on vacation with friends. he was having the time of his life.. Here’s a phone message he left for me earlier that same day 
Click here to hear sam’s voice -> Last phone message from Sam .. Nov 20, 2006

At 10:32 PM.He and his friends were crossing the street. A driver swerved to avoid hitting one of Sam’s friends… and

and…

and.. sam left this earth..

A few minutes later we got that terrible call.. and our world changed forever..

It’s hard to explain what these anniversaries  feel like. in some ways.. it feels like no time at all has passed.. in other ways it feels like ages have passed. I know it must look like we’re doing ‘well’.. but.. let me tell you .. it’s still very. very hard.. While this day passed for normal in many respects.. the turning of another year just reminds us of the totality of Sam’s death..

Thanks to all of you who have been checking in with us over the last couple of days. Your love and support is so very important to us.

Some interesting things from the day.. a beautiful beam of light this monring..

a patch of water on the back step (perhaps) in the shape of a snowboarder .. See it ? (everythign is a Rorschach test to a grieving dad)

 

The four of us went out to a quiet Chinese dinner at Joyces tonight.. Diane’s holding a SamStone ..

I loved my fortune cookies message.. you can say that again !

on the way home from the restaurant.. the boys took the van, diane and I were in the prius.. Gabe called us just before we hit home to tell us that the van had overheated on 117.. We drove back to find the car out of coolant.. and a funny smell from the exhaust (i know what that means 🙁 ) ..  .. Oddly enough , the normally reliable Prius freaked out and wouldn’t start  .. eventually it came back to life and started..  (All sorts of electrical and mechanical things went wrong shortly after Sam’s death..  ) I dropped everyone back at home and went back to meet the tow truck. The tow truck driver had just lost two brothers and his mother this year.. so we sat and talked for awhile.

Before he drove of with our wounded car, I grabbed Sam’s necklace that is always hanging from the mirror.. I wanted to have it with us tonight..

Sam got it in Mexico when DIane and I took him there the previous spring.. It spells SAM in Mayan hieroglyphics.   Here he is wearing it before biting freind Kasey.

OK.. so it’s almost ‘that time’.. how to mark it .. ? do we mark it ?

I’m sad and missing my beautiful , beautiful son..

 

We will love you forever Sam.. you are always with us.. and always in our hearts..

Good night my love..

-me