Tuesday night – my day

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I was going to title this post ‘not my day’.. but then thought better of it.. it is my day.. and I need to own it.. As I wrote last night.. I find I’m struggling again with resilience.. I am finding the boundary I try to maintain with how my job is going and my sense of self has been harder to maintain these past couple of weeks.. Diane and I were talking about  it this morning.. We were noticing how all of us were still very much reliving dylan’s passing.. .. and even though we .. like many of dylans friends,  are back out in the world world.. we’re still not normal.. far from it..   I’m remembering the need to be gentle with ourselves as we settle in to our modified reality.

That conversation helped me get my head around my reactions today.. and the world has given me ample tests otoday.. I had a very tough meeting this morning, I was not able to get the eariler flight I wanted in order to see my sister and her family, I got the royal (20 minute) pat down when I went through security (they didn’t like the homemade electronics I was carrying).. and subsequently missed my plane..   …but..  I can still make my connection

.. and somehow I’m still smiling..

and was able to appreciate thhat the guy sitting next to me had the same duct tape on his computer…

life is hard, full and rich..  .. isn’t it…?

love you all, love you sam

-me

Monday night – resiliance

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Strong monday vibe today.. spent my evening last night getting churned up about how things were going at work.. then spent all of today worrying about how something tomorrow is going to go. I got the feeling that work tomorrow will be tough.. andI let htat ruin most of tdoay..

Isn’t it funny that an imagined outcome of later can interfere with my Now.. especially wwhen my nows can be so challenging…

Something for me to think about

nite all, nite sam

-me

Sunday night – Easter

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Happy Easter folks .. It was a good day.. Like all holidays..there’s a streak of sadness for missing Sam.. We lit Sam’s lantern.. then got right into the candy..

As we did.. I read one of my favorite stories about Easter out loud to the kids.. It’s called The Rabbit of Easter by David Sedaris.. a bit sacrilegious.. but that’s why I like it..

The bunny.. or the bell.. depends on your tradition according to sedaris.. left stuff for gabe, ian and matt.. .. a basket.. and a bunch of eggs..

The hunt was wild and fast.. soon all the eggs were collected.

There were a few surprises.. in addition to the normal candy.. that waskaly wabbit had also thrown in some broccoli.  (now who would have done something like that ? )

also a few nuts and bolts..

and even some dog food for the girls..

Afterwards,ian made us a delicious spanish omlette which we ate outside it was in the 50’s finally..   I think it might even have hit 60 today !.

we took advantage of the warmish weather to clan the yard. The boys brought down a large limb that was shading  one of Diane’s gardens..

and we got rid oa ton of scrap wood by hauling and burning.. Some however got morphed into a new goalie for Gabe’s practice net..

nice, nice day..

time for bed.. happy easter folks, happy easter sam

-me

Saturday night – spring cleaning

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Gabe had a LAX game at 8 this morning. it was … of course.. raining/sleeting and freezing.. .Even so, we love watching him play. We got home around 10 to find snow in the yard.. again..   Ah. spring…

Weather not withstanding, I decided to get into the spirit of the season by doing some spring cleaning.. My lab had gotten to a point of impossibility and impassibility .. I had 3 biggish projects goign on in there and it was getting impossible to move in there.. let alone find anything..    And as someone once said (and I think it was me)  man’s laboratory is an external presentation of his internal state of mind.. so.. cleaning was cathartic and calming..    Here’s before

and here’s after.. I realize not perfect but everythign more or less in place..  and there are at least channels to navigate through the mess..  I now feel like a better person.

THis afternoon Chris C. came over and we worked on his sculpture.. it’s a strange and wonderful piece. that’s motion activated.. No pictures here until next week..

Then Diane and I went over to visit with Dylan’s family.. They’re just back from a week in Florida. They’d scheduled the trip before Dylan died.. then decided to go anyway. I think it was a good thing for them. It was very good seeing them again.. We took Thai food over and talked for a couple of hours. I think in these first few weeks and months it’s important just to be there for them. It’s easy to talk to them. first because they’re nice folks.. and second because we have this awful shared experience.. We talked about all of our kids.. not just sam and dylan. It’s good tor all of us to talk and listen to each other..  this is going to be a long road..

OK.. batteries goign.. so I’ll sign off now..

nite everyone.. nite sam

-me