I had a nightmare of a day.. everythign that could go wrong at work did.. by the end of the day, all of my composure and relaxation from the holiday break had vanished.. along with my sanity. It seemed that each new phone call or email brought more bad work news.. On top of that, I have a night full of work ahead of me.. including a major talk to prepare. By the time my last call was over at 7PM.. I was a wreck.. luckily it was time for Diane’s tuesday night yoga/meditation class. It’s a 45 minute quiet yoga class followed by 30 minutes of meditation.. During the first 30 minutes or so, my mind was on my day.. I was convinced that everythign I was doing was wrong.. that I wasn’t working hard enough. .. and that I was pretty much a jerk… .. but slowly, the relaxing music, the deep stretching and Diane’s beautiful voice took over.. That’s when the word ‘maitrī’ came into my head.. It’s a sanskrit word that means ‘loving kindness’. It’s a Buddhist tenant you practice first on yourself, then on your loved ones, then on your aquantances, then on your enemies.. and finally on all sentient beings. I was struggling on step 1 there.. I wasn’t practicing loving kindness on myself.. I stopped and said to myself.. ‘hey.. things are messed up.. but.. its not (all) your fault.. and you’re doing the best that you can do..” . actually.. I started repeating that long phrase in my head as a sort of mantra. that put me in a much better place.. After class, I had a nice dinner with Diane, Deb and Gabe (matt and ian are in New hampshire now).. I helped Gabe wiht his math and spanih.. and I’m just now sitting down to what looks like an all nighter.. Things are still messed up, I still have too much to do.. but I like myself better than I did at 6PM..
celibrate small victories..
nite all, note Sam