The rest of the day was pretty quiet. We all seem to be in a reasonably peaceful spot. Our sadness for Sam is always there, but we’re able to function.. if not efficiently … most of the time. All of us puttered about on our own projects through the day. Several kids and adults filtered through the house through the day. I really like seeing how Sam’s friends still hang out here. Kevin’s band practiced here this afternoon. It’s always great hearing music coming from the barn. I just realized that I’ve been avoiding the upstairs of the barn since Sam died.. I’m just starting to go up there again. It’s so strange not seeing him on the drums when I do. Oh Sam….
Last night Diane, Max and I went to see some student directed one-act plays at the high school. Folks there seemed surprised to see us all out and about. The funny thing is that we need to be somewhere all the time.. so why not there ? The plays were a mix of funny and serious stuff and were all pretty good. I particularly like Jessie’s version of the Sienfeld Soup Nazi episode and Annaliese’s improv routines. I did notice that Death was a central theme of three out of the six plays. I’ve been noticing just how much the abstract concept of death pervades our culture: song lyrics, cd covers, band names, jokes, sitcom themes. I know that it’s as common as being born… but let me tell you folks … death as a concept is overrated. Wherever we go now we run into people who’ve lost a loved one.. Almost everyone has. Now folks now feel compelled to tell us about their loss. I think seeing us so close to our loss of Sam invites people to relive their own loss a little. At first I didn’t like being the agent of others’ sadness. Now I realize that we’re just part of the long term mourning and healing process for their own loss that they and everyone must go through. They will be us in a few years.. (is that a real sentence ?)
On the same theme: About four friends have independently sent me variants of the Buddhist story of the Mustard seed. The story goes: A beautiful young boy died. Heartbroken, his father takes the boys body to the Buddha and pleads for him to restore the boy to life. The Buddha says that he will gladly do that. All the father must do is bring him a mustard seed from a home that has not known death. The father is overjoyed… he runs through the town knocking on doors asking folks whether they have a mustard seed. Most do.. Unfortunately he also finds that everyone of these houses has known death. The father learns the hard lesson that everyone suffers. Do any of you have a mustard seed ? Have any of you been spared the death of a loved one. ?. Maybe the offer still stands !
I just realized that I have not cried at all today. I think it’s time I did.. This ones for you Sam…
-jc