Woke to another beautiful morning. Waking today was different because it’s the first day in 3 months that I know that some aspect of my work ended up in my dreams along with Sam, .   I got outside as soon as could and snowshoed up through the loop that Diane and I trailblazed yesterday. Once again, Chai was too wary of the deep snow to come with me.  It was much easier going with the packed trail As always it was beautiful and peaceful in the woods. At the top of the loop, I decided to make a another snow angel,. (This one clothed.) .I  launched myself backwards into the snow. And took this picture…

Picture taken I tried to get up to go home.. It was about 5 below.. so I was getting pretty chilled.. Lo and behold .. the snow was so deep I couldn’t get up.. I flailed around for several minutes until I was able to pull myself up on the packed trail I can imagine this is what it’s like being a moose on one of these snowbound days. Anyway.. once free.. I managed to catch a picture of the snow angel just before I dropped my camera a foot deep in the snow..  

I recovered the camera just as I received a work call on my cell. I don’t know why I took the call but I managed to have a good short technical discussion while standing out there in that beautiful queit place. Was that good or bad ? I hung up and  spent another 10 minutes stomping a large version of Sam’s name in a snow bank  At that point I had to hightail it home since my hands and feet were frozen and I was late for work.
   I got to work and spent the entire morning trying to come up to speed. .. No matter how hard I tried.. I couldn’t get beyond first gear. I found myself apologizing to many colleagues about my spaciness.  I started asking myself today if I am using my reaction to Sam’s passing  as an excuse  at work. not to other people.. but to myself.  I know that no one would begrudge me any time I need .. All  the same.. I’m wondering if I have lowered expectations on myself more than I should at this point.  I just know that my capacity to focus is really diminished.
   I had an early luch with my very good friend Kerry. Kerry is a real mench.. a really, really good guy. He’s been really looking out for me. He’s also been hatching a scheme to construct a memorial sculpture for Sam.. He’s managed to pull together quite a network of artists and artisans who are interested in helping us build some sort of fun memorial to Sam. We were going to have our first meeting on the project on Wednesday. But turns out I need to go out of town. He’s got so much energy for this project. His energy and passion for this are an incredible gift to our family.
    The end of the work day came mercifully early.. I zoomed home for Diane’s 6PM yoga. It was just what I needed. Diane brings such a sense of peace when she’s leading a class that you an almost forget that your hamstrings are about to snap. Early in the class she commented on the view of the moon outside the studio window.. It was a close conjunction of the planet Venus with the crescent moon (like this)
   I could see it from my yoga mat. The particular alignment of these two jewels  of the night sky really hit me.. (now this will be hard to explain)   About two years ago I was doing a Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)  session with our friend Marcia. During the session I came up with a ‘picture’ in myself of the balance of my mind and my heart. My mind is a bright white light to my upper right.. and my ‘heart’  is a moon shaped thingy to my lower left.. They are connected by a straight line that pivots around my center. My normal configuration is like this.:.
which means to me that my head always rules my heart.  (note: I am also in touch with my inner pirate)  Tonight’s conjunction of Moon and Venus is the opposite.. as in .. heart dominates head..   I took it as a message to follow my heart for awhile.. I also took it as an excuse to lay flat on my back  and stare out the window. while the other folks in the class were grunting through  difficult yoga postures.
    After Yoga, we had dinner with my friends Leon. Anne Marie and their three very   beautiful kids: Emmanuel, Melissa and Fredrick who were up from New York. These kids are pretty amazing.. They all speak three languages.. (English. Dutch and French).. even the two year old.  They all took SamStones with them to take to their Grandparents houses in The Netherlands and France..
   Sam.. you’re Stones are really getting spread all over the word. That’s pretty cool
   I’ll end tonight with a poem called ‘The Dash” by Linda Ellis. Diane found it today.. please take a few mintes to read it.  

The Dash by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth…
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

 

For it matters not how much we own:
The cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard…
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
You could be at “dash mid-range”.

 

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile…
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash…
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

Sam.. ou had one hell of a good dash my son.. I love you
-jc