Tuesday night – somewhere over Chicago

I’m writing from somewhere over the Midwest. I’m on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis for a 3 day work conference. I’m not too happy about being away from home for that long. I am happy, though, that I’ll get to see my sister Mary and her family while I’m there.

   It’s still hard for me to be out in the world far from my family. There is no place more alone than a busy airport or a crowded plane. I’ve had a few good conversations so far this evening with folks. I’m finding that I need to practice talking with strangers again. I have always loved talking to people when I travel. It’s such a cool way to learn new things. Now I find I need to be a little careful when talking.. Already tonight I’ve had to find the right way for answering ‘how many children do you have?’   Of course, I always answer three.. then tell them about all three of my great  kids, including what happened to Sam. There I find that I need to introduce the topic carefully as not to make someone feel bad for having asked. I want to be honest and open.. but not shocking.. It’s an interesting balance. I almost always find that if I introduce the topic in a loving way that people respond with compassion and interest. I want to talk about Sam… and most people are eager to listen.

    I got an email from Diane as I was sitting in the airport waiting for this flight.. In her mail Diane told me some good stuff:

• Gabe had a great drum solo at the band concert tonight !
• Matt T got his leg cast today (bright pink) .. It looks like he won’t need surgery  (Gabe and I want to put lights on it)

.. and some bad stuff.

• A good friend of Diane’s brother Joe was killed in the line of duty this week. He has a wife and four kids.
• Several of our friends have had serious health issues of their own.. or in their families in the last week
  

Right after reading Diane’s note, I read a great letter we got today from Patti.. A friend of a friend in Austin who’s son Daniel was killed in an accident in December. In the note, Patti talks about how her family is doing and what life is like for them now.  I loved that she wrote us.. At the same time. it was hard to read the  while sitting by myself on the plane.  

   Diane and I have talked about how we can feel other people’s sadness or pain so acutely now.  To me it feels like there is some sort of string connecting my heart to theirs.  It’s like we are tuned in to the ‘pain of the world’ (in German they call it Weltschmerz).   When folks know our situation they always approach us like ‘who am I to complain?’ ‘how can I be saing this to YOU ?!”…  but they tell us anyway.. For me, I am finding I can take it. One thing Sam has done  for me is to make me so much stronger.  While I feel other people’s stories, their pain doesn’t make mine any worse.. Sometimes I even feel better for having listened if it lightens someone else’s load.

    OK.. We’re about to land.. So I need to wrap up.  One quick Sam story for today: This morning Diane went to get a massage from our friend Marcia B. (we have lots of good Marcia’s in our lives !)  As soon as Diane walked in, the heater in Marcia’s studio went out.. though it had been working all day. Marcia brought in some nice warmed stones to keep Diane toasty during her session.  As soon as Diane got up and left, the heater came back on immediately. I know it was Sam’s crazy energy. !. Diane felt like Sam wanted her to have the nice warm stones anyway..  Sam.. keep those power surges coming..

-j

 

 

Ps. I am now at my sisters house.. I had a great talk with her AND a great cheese quesadilla. The world doesn’t need more than that. We talked for an hour when I should have been sleeping. I finally did get to bed.. here I am all cozy in their third floor apartment ready to fall asleeeeeezzzzzzzzzz……………