Today was the calm before the storm.. no.. scratch that.. it was the storm before the calm.. I took the day off to help Max get ready for going back to Pratt.  I spent most of my day working on paperwork for health insurance financial aid, student loans and that kind of stuff. Just the stuff I try to avoid having to do at work.. yuck. For a guy that’s never balanced a check book, this stuff doesn’t come easy. It’s a wonder anyone gets to go to college withal the steps it takes.  Max and Diane ended up working the entire day on cleaning, sorting, packing all the stuff a kid needs to make a new nest elsewhere. At mid day the house looked like a tornado had passed through.

There were piles of things everywhere. Some going, some staying. Some undecided. Miraculously. All of it found a place by midnight.. the house is calm and quiet and the car is packed.

We leave tomorrow at 6AM.  It’s going to be so strange to take Max back to Pratt . But we all feel that it’s the right thing for him to do. I can tell that Max is psyched  to be going back . I admire his guts. I don’t think I could launch into something like that at this point in my life.

 

 

Aside for packing.. not much more to report..  I got a haircut today because I was begining to look too much like Santa.. 

Before

After

I also took a short break at midday to have lunch with my good friend Jolly who was visiting folks at IBM.

He and I went to grad school together. He’s such a great guy. I had intended to talk work during lunch.. but we mostly talked about life, families, Sam.. and more life. It was just what I needed today.. In the same.. just what we needed spirit, Jen and Tim knew we’d be stressing about getting Max ready  so they invited us up with Deb and Barry and kids for a quick delicious  dinner. We got there about an hour after their cat, Bob died of a heart attack.   That was pretty sad. Bob was a funny creature…. I’ll miss him. … At the same time, we got to meet their new cat Billy Jo, a tailless Manx cat.   Everywhere the circle of life…

 

 

Lots of goodbye-for-nows  today. We also had to say good bye to Eric who’s leaving to go to school in Switzerland this year.. ”

Eric, Shaun and Ralph

And we had to say goodbye to Max’s girlfriend Jessie.. who will be starting at SUNY Plattsburgh next week. Jessie’s become like a family member here… She was with us when we went down to FL after Sam’s accident.  It was really hard for me to say goodbye  to her.

 Jessie. her dad John. and sister Jacki

The final act for the day was for me to take Gabe over to Dylan’s where he’ll stay while were taking Max.   Max and Gabe  said a warm brotherly  goodbye  to each other.. It was good to see and hard to see. Then  I drove off with Gabe…  

 

All the brothers are looking out for each other.. all  the brothers.

 

G’nite folks.. g’nite Sam

-me

 Ps. There will be a Friends of Sam Fundraiser this Sunday nigth at JDK. Here’s the info :

I really tried hard  to shake my blues today. I had decided to shift my vacation around to maximize my time with the kids over the next few days. I was going to take next week off, but we take Max back to Pratt on Saturday and Gabe starts school on Wed.   I spent the first part of the day hanging out with Gabe and his friends Trevor, Paolo, Will and Dylan . Our friend Paulo had been trying to get us to go and swim in a granite quarry in Barre for the last few days This morning we all piled into two cars and made the 45 min drive out there.

 It was a really cool place. It had been abandoned for many years though some of the old cranes and scaffolding were still around. There were some great old walls that made it seem like a Mayan ruin.

The quarry  itself was full of beautifully clear, soft and cold rain/spring water.  Our first stop was a (I’m guessing) 35 foot sheer cliff. The kids were eyeing it s a possible jumping spot and I really freaked. I know I overdid it.. but I could let go of the worry of what might be hidden beneath that water.  Even though many folks had jumped off  there safely… I keep telling myself that I don’t want to live in fear since Sam died .. and I certainly don’t want to instill fear in my kids.. but I just couldn’t get beyond my gut instinct.   We wandered down the shore a bit and found a nice 10 -15 foot cliff. The kids had a great time jumping off of that.. I even gave it a try. It was a beautiful place.

Luckily, Diane had remembered to bring a few SamStones. Paolo fashioned a little boat out of some aluminum foil and we set one of the stones sailing out into the quarry.

 Paolo’s mom Patti took the other SamStone and swam across the quarry to the cliff on the opposite side She climbed up like a mountain goat and placed the stone on a ledge about 40  feet over the water… Brave woman !

 

We headed back around 3 to get Paolo and  Dylan to their respective sports practices.. The rest of the afternoon dragged a little bit.  Not much to do.. not nice enough to play outside. Around 6 Gabe. Trevor  and I had the idea to go to Pizza Put for Laser Tag. That was a total blast.

We played a quick round, during which both Gabe and Trevor trounced me.. e.g. Me 125 points, Gabe 1200, , Trevor 2500.   I thought it was a mixture ofmy gun  and beginners suck-age. .. Then we had dinner.

The food was good.. and begged to be played with. I made a car and a face out of my veggie plate. .One of the waiters came over and told us that they’d just had a veggie plate sculpting contest.. and he showed my a picture on his phone of the winning entry.. a small pond filled with  fish made out of cuke’s carrots. celery and ranch dressing… I think the idea of veggie art. is catching on

 

After dinner, the guys played a few arcade games.. and played with the crazy mirrors then I challenged them to a laser tag rematch..   I’m not a big ‘gun person’ but this game is awesome.. and this last time.. I actually was not that bad.

 

The day out with Gabe was really just wht I needed. I’m hoping to get some more time with Max tonight.. he still has lots of packing to do.. I’m hoping to help him out.  I have such mixed feelings about him leaving. I know it’s the right thing for him to do, though. I’m really proud of him…

 

OK.. I gotta get some sleep..   More tomorrow.   Gnite all.. gnite Sam.

-jc

 

 

 

 

Not much to report today..  I’ve received several notes and calls based on the low  tone of my last few posts.   It was really touching that so many folks cared enough to check in on me/us.   It’s funny when that kind of thing happens. I know it sounds weird .. but I’m always surprised when someone reacts to what I write here.. (OK.. everyone walk out side now and quack like a duck !)   At some level I know that there are folks out there reading this  but at the same time I don’t really want to think about what people will make of what I put here. If I thought about it much, I might get too freaked out to write at all . .    I actually got a little self conscious today that I might be bringing people down too much…I know Ive said this before..    but I suppose folks can stop reading whenever they like.. I just can’t stop writing. 

 My intention is to record as much of my thinking as I can get down every day for.. for what ?  Posterity ?  my own future reference.. I don’t know . I spend a good deal of time thinking about my intentions. What do I want from he balance of my life now that Sam has passed ?   I was talking to one of the interns at work about this  today.. I don’t think I ever really gave much thought to my own intentions.. In fact, I don’t think many people do.. I’ve always had goals.. but not so much day to day  purposeful intentions.. Here are my current intentions… in rough priority order

 

• Have a loving and supportive relationship with my kids
• Have a loving and supportive relationship with Diane
• Find ways to honor Sam’s memory and spirit
• Have a loving and supportive relationship with my parents and extended family
• Enjoy robust good health
• Have meaningful work that is both fun and helps others
• Have some measure of peace and ease in my life

What are yours ?

 

Love you all.. love you Sam

 

-me

 

Ps. The folks at Carnegie Mellon University wrote a really nice article about  my educations outreach stuff,,, It’s on the front of their webpage today.  Later, the link will be here. I really ike this one because it points folks to the CMU outreach activities  where they can get personally involved

 

Sam left us nine months ago tonight. Nine months .. the same time it took for him to grow inside Diane.  What a beautiful baby he was.. He’ll always be my beautiful baby.

 
 It was such a beautiful evening tonight  that  Diane, Max, Gabe, Trevor, Chai and I went and had a picnic in the park.

We ate  sandwiches from Bridge street   then held hands and thought of Sam as we launched another hot air balloon. 

We then hung around and tossed a Frisbee until it got dark. We brought out one special firework tonight.. a ‘happy lantern’ which is a family favorite. It put a nice end to a tough day. Sometimes that’s all you can do.

 

We love you Sam

-Mom, Dad, Max, Gabe and Chai