Yearly Archives: 2011

Friday night – washed out

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It’s the end of a tough week.. I feel really washed out..Grieving.. even by proxy.. is hard work..   All week friends have been checking in with us.. and with Gabe to see how we’re doing..   Many folks comment that Dylan’s passing must bring back painful memories.. .. we appreciate everyone’s concerns.. though it’s not exactly like that.. Dylan’s death doesn’t bring back memories for us.. we always have those memories…. every day..  ..  it’s much more that we miss him.. and we hate seeing his family hurting..   Again, .. we do really appreciate folks checking in

I’m feeling better now.. but I’m still in a fog and not thinking straight.    I had to take it easy again today…. Luckily it was a rather light work day.. I had breakfast with Burning man friend Duane.. then calls all morning.. I took advantage of the call time.. and some help from Justin at work to rearrange my office and hang some pictures of and from my kids.. Putting those pics up helped me feel better.

THen I met Chis and Kasey for lunch.. it was so good catching up with them..

Here are father and son tribute tats to Sam.. Kasey’s brother Jake has the same one..   that’s love.. !

The rest of the day was meetings.. then a short stop at Jim and Sue’s to check on them.   Then home…

I mentioned that being ‘washed up’ was the theme of the day..    The thought came ot me as I dropped my sports coat and my one tie at the dry cleaner.. I’d accidentally thrown them all in the wash machine when I came back from Boston suddenly.. I’m going to see if they can salvage either of them.. if not.. I’ll be tie-less !.    I also had to drop by Bestbuy to replace the bluetooth earopone from my phoe.. His was a replacement for the 4th one of those I’ve destroyed b accidental washing..

The perils of clean living I suppose..

Nite all, nite Sam

-me

Thursday evening – not quite normal

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I had the closest thing to a normal work day I’ve had in about a week. … I was on the phone all day, soem good meetings, some frustrating ones.. lots of catch up email.. some staring at data.. All in a days work.. except for a very productive lunch meeting with friends liggy jarrod and mike.. I got to about 3 o’clock when I realized how strange it was to be having anything approaching a normal day. Somehow.. it felt like ‘normal’ was not the way it was supposed to feel this soon after Dylan’s passing.
I reminded myself.. that now is not normal. I remember the day after Sam’s memorial service.. when out of town friends and relatives headed home.. the fridge was packed with carbo-loaded love from caring friends.. the flowers all over the hose, some beginning to wilt . and cakes, pies and candy everywhere. (There’s something about grief and carbs that go together.. ).. I remember that feeling of.. ‘what now’.. I called Jim and Sue.. and got back in touch with that weird timeless feeling ..

I always remember the analogy of driving near a mountain.. you could drive for an hour an the mountains wouldn’t get any closer or any further. Weeks ran int hours, minutes ran into days.. I think it was two years before my internal clock synched up with my external clock.. .. or my eternal clock..

I did get something today the grounded me very quickly.. Hannah sent me an interview Dylan did for a movie a local kid was making.. It was so good to see him again.. Here he is at his 16 year best.. 100% dylan..

OK.. all for now.. hope to get soem much needed sleep tonight..

more tomorrow..

nite all, nite sam..

-me

Wednesday night – Dylan’s memorial

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he It’s been a tough sad and uplifting day. Dylan’s memorial was this afternoon at Bolton Mountain..  I was both looking forward to it and somehow dreading it. I vividly remember my state of mind going in to Sam’s memorial.. I was so sad.. and felt it was so unfair..that we had to have this huge gathering about sam.. without sam.. .I  remember also being so gratified that so many of our freinds and family came out to support sam and the rest of us.

I could only imagine how it felt to Jim and Sue coming there today. So many folks had put their hearts into organizing this event for Dylan.   I got up there at about 11 to find the place already buzzing with friends and family setting up for the gathering.. The folks at Dylan school, CVU, had graciously volunteered to handle the A/V.. they’d set up screens and audio upstairs and downstairs to handle the large crowd we expected.

one group of folks put Dylan’s pictures all over the both floors of the lodge.. It was nice seeing them all

We also put out lost of organ donor information.. that was a major theme for the day

some folks helped us put Dylan’s self portrait (in ductape) in ach of the mmemorial programs

Diane and I had to take a short break to talk to Natalie, the reporter for Fox news.. She was great.. she asked us all about the organ donation process.   We love gettign the chance to get the message on organ donation out to the public.. and we appreciate her help in doing that.

THe service started at 1:30 every square inch of the bolton lodge was jammed with people.. upstairs.

Dylan’s family was up front..

the back of upstairs.

The bar

Even downstairs


I counted abotu 180 cars.. that makes me think that ther ewere upwards of 600 folks there today.. and that doesn’t account for the number of kids that came by bis..

here’s one of our avortie smiltng faces.. hannah and dave

Zach Hoag was the leader of the service. He was all the kids first snowboard coach.. then he left to start his own ministry.. he was the prefect choice to lead the service.. and he did a really great job

Gabe was abotu the 3rd seaker. he did such a great job,. spoke right from his heart, told soem funny Dylan stories.. and told everone how much Dylan would be missed. I was so proud and so sad for Gabe,..He’s really missing Dylan and will forever.

many folks spoke including Dylan’s grandmother.

his friend Ivan

his girlfriend jasmine.

Dylan’s brother Dustin and his friend Evan played some great music.


After the comments and the music, Zach did a nice closing.. then a moment of silence. then finally a huge round of applause for Dylan..

Afterwords, folks were welcomed downstairs for a potluck.. and/or outside for a rail jam competition .

the rail jam was jun and drizzly.. with a great jump at the end..   Ralphie and Luke managed to build the park from rails that belonged to CVU.. one of the parent had allowed them to use his flatbed to drag the rails up to the park..    The kids really had fun on them tonight

by about 5L30 things were winding down.. we helped clean up.. then headed home..
after a quick dinner, Dane and I went back over to the peteres.. THey’d just gotten soem frozen steaks in the mail.. so we took the dry ice packing to make mad science drinks.. here’s Sue’s brother showing his magical tendencies.

and finally.. a toast for dylan !..

it’s been a long and tough day.. but I feel somehow comforted and at peace.. today’s gather really helped me..as I’m sure it helped many..

OK.. I need to slep now..

gnite all
Gnite sam, gnite dylan… good luck and fly free !

-me

Tuesday morning – speaker notes

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I’m pretending to work today.. but I just keep my mind on it.. Diane is out getting pictures printed for Dylan’s service tomorrow.. In between conference calls I’m working on a program for the service.and get stickers printed. I so much remember how strange it felt putting together the program for Sam’s memorial.. who would speak ? who would sing.. how many people would come.. and above all.. what would I say.. would I be able to speak at all ?

While I was looking I came across the notes I wrote for Sam’s memorial.. I remember what it was like looking down from the stage and seeing all those people.. I choked up a little.. but when I started talking.. It just kept coming.. I didn’t really need my notes..  Here’s what I said… more or less..

Thanks

  • It means so much to me, to us, to see you all here  today.
  • The love people have shown through past week, at our home on Thursday. At concert Friday and today is overwhelming  Love and support of our family and friends we will be forever grateful
  • Reminds us so powerfully how much  Sam was loved

About Sam

  • Sam was … beautiful inside/out.. He had that radiant 1000 watt smile. You all knew it. He wore it always.. and it could melt your heart.  It always melted mine.
  • He was the truest, most honest, and independent person I have ever met. He knew who he was, knew what he wanted.  Anything he did: music, sports, snowboarding.  He   did it to his standards, no one else’s .
  • He loved life.. he loved his parents, his brothers, his family.. his friends .. his pets..  his passions. Sam packed so much into his short life. he traveled, he explored. He ran full speed into the world.
  • He loved Vermont. He was all about snow, water, sun… dirt.. Lots of dirt.  As he grew, We watched him do backflips off the rope swing, on his snowboard upside down and spinning.. Flips in midair   tubing down the Huntington always with that smile. I always covered my eyes. He was so strong.. so sure footed..  he always came out OK.
  • Not to say he always landed it… He broke bones, cracked ribs sprained joints.. and he would laugh. The day he died he called to tell me about the cuts he’d gotten on the beach skim boarding in Florida with friends. “Dad… I got these really cool cuts on my legs”….
  • Sam was a loyal and generous friend. His circle of friends crossed ages, schools, cliques..  so many interests, types…  music, sports. Friends from preschool, neighbors… he loved people.. and people loved him. He loved most of you in this room.. and I know you loved him, too.
  • Sam would have loved knowing that there are 4 people somewhere in Florida living today because of the organs he donated. It makes me feel good that my son’s heart is beating in someone else’s son or daughter… That was so in keeping with Sam’s generous spirit.
  • As we think back over Sam’s 14 years, we have no regrets.. He was surrounded by love every day.. We can’t honestly recall ever being really mad at him.. or him at us (except perhaps trying to get him out of the shower on a school day) He hugged us everyday .. well past the age we might still expect that.  He had this sensitive emotional radar that would pick up the moods of the people around him. He always knew when to comfort.. what question to ask… when to give a hug.
  • I loved Sam so much…  He was such a good friend to me…. Last year, we spent many late hours talking about our lives.. over homework.. his and mine. His values had started to change mine… I’m still learning to be more like Sam…   Someday I’d like to have my priorities as clear as his.. my values as absolute, my passions as strong,
  • Oh.. I will miss his bright goofy smile, his mischievous laugh, .. the hugs I got from those wicked strong arms… the late night talks.. and his music… Oh, his music, Hardcore to Bach.. .is still playing in my heart.
  • Those of you who know us, know that there is a lot of love in our family. We were blessed and we knew it. That love makes us feel Sam’s loss so strongly now   Diane, Max, Gabe and I are so strong in our love for Sam and for each other. That with all of your help… we will  get through this…  While I can’t imagine it now, I believe we can get us back to having joy in our lives….
  • I am going to choose every day to honor Sam’s memory..  To go forward.. not backward. To do something good for the world. I am going to try to take his passion into my own life and become a better person for it.
  • You can help us keep Sam’s memory alive by hugging your kids or parents really hard every day.
  • You can do something good for someone else and do it with Sam on your mind. Start by making sure you carry an organ donor card, if your personal beliefs allow it.  If you’re a kid… get out of the shower when your parents ask you to.
  • You can also Capture some of Sam’s spirit.  Find your passions.  Be more sure of yourself.. smile a little brighter…play more music,  be more there for others.

Close

  • There are no good words to describe the sadness we feel in losing Sam. But I can tell you how much love and pride we feel for having him as a son, brother, and friend.
  • Again, We are amazed and grateful at the love and support of our family and friends and the community, and we know Sam is as well.
  • We love you Sam, always.   Goodbye my beautiful Son.

it’s so hard reading that even 4 and a half years later…   but a good cry was what I needed this morning..

My advise to folks who are planning on saying something tomorrow at the service is not to worry about it.. just speak from your heart.. and if you find you can’t speak.. don’t worry about that either..

let’s all be there for Dylan.. see you tomorrow 1:30  at Bolton Lodge

cu folks , cu Sam

-me